I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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