he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
