i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this boner is exhausting
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
