hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
