dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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