it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
