it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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