I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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