sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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