just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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