Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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