ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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