If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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