Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drake has all the answers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We smell like vodka and hangover
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