apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
