In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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