ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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