it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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