The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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