I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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