My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
