Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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