I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
