Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
