So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
