Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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