Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
