Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
