her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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