better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
