My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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