So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
