3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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