don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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