I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
