Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
