Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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