Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Less talking, more tequila
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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