Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
