Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
