i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
