Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
