I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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