I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
