I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
