Screwed.edu
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm really busy with my period
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