dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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