She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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