you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
