I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
