the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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