he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
