We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize