Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
