The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
