People in love make me want to vomit
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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