i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
