When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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