Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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