you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
