I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
