We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I FOUND THE LEGS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
