my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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