i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
