Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
