and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
