Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He has the fingertips of a God
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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