Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
