I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
