Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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